Eulogy that I read as we put Dryden to rest.
Our
sweet boy was loved beyond measure, I regret that we didn't
find him sooner. I remember the day I first saw a video of him. I was
on YouTube and I typed in Ukrainian orphans in the search bar. It was
that day I clicked on a link that would change my life forever.
Knowing the love i have for my own children It made it very difficult
to imagine what could have happened to make a child deserve the
conditions that I saw on my screen that day. I had no idea who he
was, Where in Ukraine he was or if he was available for adoption.
What I did know was that I was in the process to adopt a child from
Ukraine and he gave me a drive that made me want to change the world,
to never give up. It wasn't until 4 months later that I saw him
listed for adoption on Reece's rainbow. I learned he had been
available since birth and I instantly started advocating for his mama
to see him, to find him and rescue that sweet boy from his misery. I
begged, and pleaded and screamed for the world to see him like i did
but no one was running. Over the next few months I begged more,
cried, and tried my best to find him a family but it didn't take long
for me to realize no one was coming. He had been waiting for almost
15 years, never held, barely fed. He was trapped in his crib,
waiting the forever wait, and he only had one more birthday that
could pass and then the next he would loose the chance forever.
When
we submit to his country it was to adopt three children with special
needs, but I couldn't rest. I started telling all my friends about a
very special boy who I wanted to be a son. Many told us we were crazy
to consider a child like him. The child I wanted had been bedridden
his entire life. He couldn't talk, he couldn't sit up, he couldn't
crawl, he couldn't walk and his country considered him so unworthy he
was locked away in a crib to never be touched or loved, he was left
to die alone. But we wanted him. Our love crossed oceans for a boy we
had never met. And when no one else came, we did. We ran with arms
wide open. When we got there the people of his country begged us not
to adopt him, said he wasn't worthy, that he was deeply mentally
handicapped and he couldn't be fixed. They told us to
pick another child, a more deserving capable child. We said no. When
we went to meet him they asked us if we wanted to change our mind. We
said no. When we met him it was love at first sight. I reached out to
stroke his cheek and he bit me so hard I didn't think he would let
go, love hurts and in that very moment we decided it was us who would
never let go. His body was covered in whip marks, cigarette burns, and
his wrists were bruised and his arms covered in infected sores from
bites. He was skin and bones, and although he was 14 he was the size
of a 4 year old. The room smelt like rote and it felt like death and
kids lay silent all around. They asked us if we still wanted him. We
said yes. They said are you sure, we said yes, They told us that
there was many more children not like him, worthy kids available and
capable. We said he is the one. When we looked at him we saw our son,
we saw a broken, damaged boy who had never felt what it was like to
be loved. He deserved to be loved. He was hungry, starving really,
and he had zero trust until the day we walked out those doors
forever. It was the first time our son had ever been carried out
those doors. What did he do when the cold air hit his cheeks? he
laughed, and laughed, and laughed. It was three hours before his
laugh turned into a cry. He knew he was free from hell on earth,
somehow he knew. That day was one of the happiest in our entire
life.
Over the next few months he started to learn to eat by spoon
rather than only getting broth water in a bottle like they gave him
in Ukraine. He learned to smile, it was such a beautiful smile. It
didn't stop there. I remember the day I came home and Trevor was so
excited to show me something. I couldn't wait.. That day for the first
time I saw my son sit independently. The smile on Drydens face as my
husband lifted his hands and let him go will be forever etched in my
mind. Dryden was so proud. It wasn't long that seconds turned into
minutes and he could tolerate longer times sitting up. A boy who had
never sat up in his entire life, could sit, and it only took a month
of care, I can imagine what could have been with a life time of care.
It took many months for him to attach because he was so incredibly
scared, he didn't know how to love or what it was. But I remember the
day he became mine. The day he let go of fear and learned to trust.
For the first time in his life he was free. Really free, and he knew
it. It wasn't long that he was crawling, they said he never would,
he proved them wrong. It took motivation and he had never had any
freedom before but as his trust grew so did his freedom and so did
he. We watched our child age 6 years in only 6 months and that alone
blew our minds, but to see him grow in strength and love too, it left
us speechless and our hearts full. Before we knew it, he could love,
he loved all his siblings, And he gave that love to me. He watched
every move I made and he even a few times called me mama, and even
said papa a few times and he would constantly tell us hey. I
remember the first time he let me hold him, and no i dont' mean pick
him up, iImean really hold him, he rested his head on my shoulder and
he unclenched his fists and put his hand on my cheek, in that moment
i knew he was learning to be free, he was learning to love and he
loved me, it filled my heart. From that moment his love only grew,
his sadness turned into happiness, and his fear turned into trust. We
watched a broken child start to mend. It was the best feeling. It was
nothing short of amazing. He had a home, a family, and love. He was a
brother, grandson, cousin and son. He was a boy who stole our heart.
On May 16th our sweet boy spent his first birthday in a family, and
it breaks our hearts to pieces it will be his last. Two days later
broken wings learned to fly. He left the earth that had caused him so
much pain, and he wasn't alone, he was loved. We loved him and so
did so many others. His life with us was not filled with quantity but
quality and we are honored, absolutely honored to be chosen to be his
parents.
something I wrote the night we
took him out of the orphanage forever.
As
I lie here in the floor of the overnight train I'm filled with a joy
that can only be described as magical. It is an odd kind of joy. I
can hear my children breathing, grinding their teeth, and rocking
back and forth. I'm not sure what hell's on earth they have been
through but I know it stops here. They are not orphans anymore.
Covered
in bruises and scars both physical and mental. They will take time to
heal but they will start to heal. The smells alone in the older boys
orphanage will be carved into my mind forever. you can smell the
death in that place. you can see the darkness that haunts their every
hour, minute, and second. Some are tucked away behind closed doors in
dark rooms with no toys, sound or light. They are left to die alone.
No love, no touch and not enough food to sustain a baby. Teenagers
the size of toddlers and toddlers the size of babies will forever be
etched in my mind. To know that each child that I chose was many that
I left behind will haunt me until the day I die. Unwanted because
their bodies have failed them and neglected because they are
unwanted. This is not a place any child should be yet they are stuck
in a system that doesn't care for them. My children managed to slip
out the front door but most slip out the back door to an unmarked
grave.
I
have found diamonds in the rough. I will polish them and prove their
value and worth. These kids amaze me.
This
isn't how we wanted it to end, we wanted to spend forever with
Dryden, we had so much more love to give, so much more life to show
him, and many memories we wanted to share. I wanted to turn mountains
into rainbows for him. Adoption is so beautifully difficult but for
the first time in his life he felt safe enough to let go, and now he
is truly free.
He
is forever loved.
PLEASE CONSIDER ADOPTION.
