Nightmares and Rainbows.

During our process it has been difficult to see all of the children who need families, some are in desperate need. In June we decided that two more children needed to come home with us... YES, that would be 5 children but if not us, who? We couldn't get it done in one trip so we started the process in July to allow us to head back once our first 3 get home.  BUT then unpredictable things happened causing our adoption to delay. Because of this delay I would have difficulty making it back for the 2 children on time but I would not give up. The only thing I could do to make sure my boys made it home for sure was to drop one of my current children. I wasn't ready for that, and I LOVE  DEEPLY all of the children we chose so I waited.

BUT, then we got word that a family who had met Beth and loves her wanted to be backups in case something happened and we couldn't adopt her. We were waiting on an update to see if our oldest Ricky still wanted to be adopted. The same week we got word.... He isn't sure he wants a family anymore.. Yeah... Ricky... The boy once desperate for a family is unsure, and because we can only adopt from 3 regions. bringing home all 5 just really is impossible, even if  Ricky said No I still couldn't bring home Beth AND the boys because we would loose our dap  appointment on Ricky leaving us only 2 regions to adopt from,

We didn't know exactly how things would pan out but....
We decided that we would add the boys... It was very exciting to be able to offer them family, and love. Two boys who have waited in cribs for way to long. boys who will die in those cribs, boys who get no love and no interaction because their bodies have failed them. Boys who are tied up and starved will be unbound from their torture forever... That was amazing news to my heart. I was so happy. I am so happy for them and me.

BUT..... I had to let a child go to ensure the boys were adopted, It is one of the MOST painful things I have ever had to do. We are deeply hurting from our loss. We chose Beth, she was our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but because she will have a family to love her, we chose to let her go. It was not easy, and my heart will need time to accept that I am not her mama it hurts deeply and I don't know when it will go away.

                                                                   AND,

 Even though Ricky might tell us NO, we are his last chance, no one came for him, and he has aged out. Saying NO to Beth knowing Ricky might say NO to us,,, It is hard. VERY HARD. Thinking we could be ONLY coming home with 1 of our chosen three is ripping me apart BUT... ALL the children will have a chance now, and that makes the pain worth it. Even if Ricky tells us NO, he WILL meet us and spend days with us and have the chance for a family. He will know he is loved.

                                                                      SO,


WHO ARE THESE BOYS that broke INTO  my heart and changed everything about our adoption. Well Denzel and Phoenix of course. I want nothing more than to be their mama, and I can not wait until the day I hold them in my arms. Denzel was going to age out in a couple of months and spend the rest of his life tied up and in a crib, Phoenix who will be 15 has also waited way to long and is forced to spend his days tied and staring at a ceiling with no toys and no distraction from his pain. Both boys are hidden away in the bed ridden wards. Most likely never spending a day outside. I am so very excited to be their mama. I am to the moon that they have a family. We are bringing not 3 but 4 children home THIS trip. We have submit our dossier and we are waiting on dates to bring us our fate. We still need $10,000 to be fully funded, if you would like to help  DONATE HERE for a tax deductible donation or we also have a youcaring page HERE

                                                                        Denzel

Phoenix

                                                                      Elizabeth

                                                                         Ricky

Adoption is painful, rewarding, confusing, joyful, and hard. But I wouldn't change where I am for the world..... and that is on our way to bring home deserving children who will get a family forever.

                                                                          Beth

We will love you forever Beth, We didn't give you up because we didn't want you, We wanted you very much, we love you more than words can say, and we will always love you. It feels like a nightmare knowing you will not come home with us but I hope one day your mama tells you about us. Our hearts will never be the same after loving you. You are LOVE. You will have a wonderful mama and I know first hand just how dear you are to her, she will love you to the ends of the earth.