A love so kind

I have been thinking a lot lately about having to leave my King[son] behind for the adoption  except I can't picture it in my mind. I can't picture me not kissing him goodnight, I can't imagine not waking up to him every morning. Just getting two sentences out about it has me sitting here with a bucket of tears. I know I have to leave King [the common cold could kill him] but I have never spent a night from him. He is my future, my hopes and dreams and I love him so much I can't even bring myself to imagine what it would be like to be without him. So  instead........

When thoughts of leaving my son goes through my mind

I see images of three beautiful children not yet mine

It starts to paint a future that is one of a kind.
A future of family, and feelings that everything will be just fine. 

What feels like forever will be a short time
It is sad but those kids barely exist

Wouldn't a mama and papa be so sublime
They would leave a world that will never be missed. 

The clings, the dings, the sounds of a distant choke

Looking, waiting, rocking, knocking
Dreams of future start to go up in smoke

A family coming would be so shocking 

I can't wait to show them a love so grand

I can't wait to kiss their faces

I can't wait to hold their sweet hand

Oh the thought and my heart races

The fears start to fade with this reality of mine

I start to get excited of the possibilities in mind

That is when I remember they too are mine

My sweet children will get to leave their pasts behind

My child at home will be just fine 

This is the only way they will all have a love so kind

UPDATE ON OUR ADOPTION PROGRESS

We submitted to USCIS in June.  For the country we are adopting from that means we are almost to the end. It took weeks for us to get an immigration officer but we finally got one to only find out that our social worker and agency had a mishap or confusion. They didn't get approval from our state which is required before the home study should have been sent to them. We had to wait on an official letter from USCIS and then the SW could submit to the state. The state has not sent the approval yet but it should be this week. We were set to travel in July if this mishap wouldn't have happened,  If I look on the bright side it bought us more time because we are not funded for all 3. Needing the approval takes an extra week in normal situations, but forgetting to have it sent in by the professionals has already cost us a month. We had an expedite and as soon as our state gets USCIS the approval we will then get approval from USCIS and be able to submit to our country.The thought of leaving my biological son here during sick season scares me very much. His disease causes muscles weakness so sever that when sick he can't cough, or breath on his own, and often sma children die because of a common cold. [Elizabeth also has SMA] she needs out now, she is dying.  We will submit to the country even without full funding due to our family circumstances, this means we wouldn't be able to come home with all 3 but I have huge amounts of faith and hope that funding becomes available so that we will be able to bring all 3 children home.. Our adoption is costing over $50,000 we are still $22,000 short to be fully funded.

Elizabeth has a terminal disease called spinal muscular atrophy just like my son King who we are leaving behind. She is our next child in sight. Her addition to our adoption is 13,000 in fees. We are still $8000 short.  

CHILDREN WAITING

There are many kids still needing a family.

Meet Phoenix he is a 14 year old boy but due to neglect and starvation he is the size of a toddler. This child was learning to walk until he was transferred to an awful institution where he will spend the rest of his life in a crib bed. He still has time for his family to find him.

A family for Phoenix

Meet Denzel, this boy has a smile that will light up your entire world, he is in great need of a family. He is in a very urgent state. He is starving and lacking any medical attention. He ages out in January he is 15 years old and the size of a toddler. Denzel needs a family or he will die in a crib. He has barely existed these last 15 years, he has never been held, or known the feelings of love. There is so much a family could give this sweet boy. 

                                                             A Family for Denzel

Meet Dawn, she is beautiful isn't she. This child is 15 years old and will age out on her next birthday. She was transferred to an adult institution at only 3 years old. She just started walking. She enjoys interacting with adults and playing with toys. Her favorite activities revolve around music which she rarely gets to enjoy. 

 A Family for Dawn

These are just 3 children, there are 100,000's of orphaned children, most given up by their family due to special needs. I personally have 3 biological children 2 of whom have special needs. They are a joy to my life and my reason to smile. Special needs children are truly special and a joy to have in your life, please consider being a family for those who have none. Many children are waiting from all around the world. Are you their mama and papa... Family for all

Almost in time is still to late.

I want to share something about my sweet Beth. She will be transferred in September to an institution that has a reputation of hurting little girls. Of all the unkind places in the country this institution has a bad reputation. They all are bad, so to be the BAD of the bad it is pretty scary. She will not see it coming. I can not imagine the lack of trust, the fear, the heartache, and the pain from the abuse my sweet girl is going to go through if i do not make it in time.

            Right now she is in one of the best orphanages with nannies that somewhat care. She is one of the lucky ones

This September they will do the transfers. My sweet beautiful girl will not be spared unless I come for her.

She will be transferred to a co-sex adult institution. Don't let the word institution confuse you, she will not get help, she will not get medical treatment, she will not receive therapy, and because she can not see she will be left in a crib for her remanding life. Many children do not survive this transfer, and die within the first year. This isn't new, and it isn't just my little girl, lots of little girls are being starved, raped, abused, and left to die alone deep in the valleys of the country side orphanages/institutions. She is headed to a rural area where she will easily be forgotten about. I mean out of site our of mind right.

I have a little girl at home, I'm sure many of you reading this do to, imagine them being dropped off in the deep country at a new home but lets not call it home, it is jail because she will never leave. she will die there, she will be abused, starved, and mistreated until  her fight is over.  Now you don't want to imagine that happening to your little girl but I am being forced to imagine this, and my sweet girl is on the road to the reality of it. No little sweet girl deserves what she is about to go through.  The most heart wrenching part of it is IT CAN BE STOPPED. 

I am willing to go get her, save her, love her, hold her close forever. Because of the price of the luxuries of coffee, chocolate, movies, special dinner, vacation, or just lack of care from society kids are suffering. she has a high risk of being transferred. I am trying so hard to get my children[3] home. Beth was our backup until something amazing happened... our social worker approved us for 3... This was a miracle for sweet Beth, she didn't have much time to find a family. But we are here, and we love her deeply. 

We should be leaving next month [August] to get our children but the only thing standing in our way is the extreme upfront costs of adoption. It isn't because of lack of care that we wait. Beth is our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, child number 3 of our adoption. We have funded our first child who is aging out next month. We need 12,000 for each of our girls to be able to bring them home.. That is a total of 24,000 to save 2 lives. I imagine most cars on the road today cost more than that and almost everyone is willing to pay it and for a hunk of metal, this is a humane life, a beautiful life that was abandoned as a baby because of disability. 

She in all reality has been waiting forever for me, her mom to come save her from the wreckage of her life. Please help me help her .''almost in time is still to late.'' 

You can make a difference and give a tax deductible donation HERE

OR we have a youcaring page HERE

We also have an adoption auction going on HERE

My sweet Beth is not the only child at risk, all children need families, it is a natural right, they should not be left alone to die because of special needs. I have 3 biological children and this is my 1st adoption. I am not special but the kids are. 2 of my bio's have special needs and they are the biggest joy in my life, so much so that it took nothing but the knowledge of the orphan issue for me to say I WILL COME FOR YOU. The road to yes isn't that hard, and in most cases the only thing that stands between a child and their family is the upfront costs of adoption, mine will cost aprox 50,000. It is a high price but not for a life, in my case 3.  If you think you can say YES to love click HERE You will never regret it.  

Together We Are Strong

Could you imagine not having a family, no one in this entire world to call your own.. Well lucky for this sweet boy he has a sister.

A sweet beautiful little sister that he adores. He has looked out for her, cared for her and Without her they  would both be alone in world.

 They have no mom or dad in a country that is unforgiving to orphans like them. His sister loves him unconditionally because he is all she has ever known, and he adores her deeply.  Together they have a strength that will get them through all this world has to offer them... Sadly her big brother is 7  and that means he gets shipped off and most likely to an adult male institution. He will be abused and forgotten about. He will never see his sister again after this September, he will not know if she is safe, she will not have anyone to look out for her or keep her. no one to hold her and smile at her beautiful face  They are all they have but soon, VERY SOON that too will be torn from them. This September THEY WILL SAY GOODBYE to one another forever UNLESS a FAMILY COMES FOR THEM. They would get to stay together and they would get to experience a love they have never felt from a mama and papa.

I would adopt them if I could but I already have found my 3. One from the same orphanage as these two. I started with nothing but a picture and that fast grew into a dream. These children need a family and they will be locked away forever and apart unless someone comes for them NOW. How can we really let this happen. Without you their future is bleak and they will experience much loss and abuse, it can be prevented... Mama go get those babies you know you have to.

They are listed together on Reece's Rainbow and with a very good facilitation team who I highly suggest please, please, do not hesitate or it will be to late. If you are not their mama or papa please help me find them and share this post.

UPDATE: Sadly these two darlings were split up during the transfers in September. They will NEVER see each other again unless they are adopted together.

Let love take flight

Do you know that clingy helicopter mom that never lets her kids out of her sight. The one that finds an excuse to have her kids with her always. Her heart would explode if they were apart, not a kissless day/night in sight... well that mom is me. I home school my kids, I take pride in family and what it means to be close with togetherness. Heck my kids even got to experience the births of their siblings.

When we started the adoption process and came to the realization that this is it, we are doing this.... It was under one condition, and that was that we all stay together. Like a sibling birth they would help me prepare the room, discuss names, be included in every way possible. The day we meet our new children should be a magical moment spent with all of us just like the birth process. We commit and have lived in that reality for 4 months.

Sadly that reality is no more.. for the first time in my life I will spend a night away form my babies, but not just one night 60 nights. This realization has sent my heart into a stumble. This adoption was All of us or none.. and that is selfish. Love is selfless and I live by love so I have to accept the reality of leaving my kids behind.
I will miss 210 meals, 60 bedtime stories and goodnight kisses, 1440 hours of smiles.. That seems like so much to this mama..  But lets get real... the kids I will be adopting have missed many more meals, 1000's of bedtime stories, years worth of kisses, and months of smiles... It is time to let love take flight. Sometime we have to sacrifice the one thing we thought we couldn't. We have to step out of our comfort zone to succeed. Adoption has found many ways to remove that comfort zone from me.

One thing that scares me most about leaving my kids is germ season, 1 of my children is very medically complex and could be taken forever from us with a simple cold. My worry will be great and my heart will ache. We really need to travel by august for me to be back home to my children in time for sick season. We have a long way to go financially but should be cleared to travel by August and we could use your help with the financial support. August is also when the oldest child will age out.. Lets give him a home for his birthday and show him how sweet 16 can really be.

We have hope bracelets for sell, all proceeds will benefit our adoption. With each donation of 10 dollars or more you will receive 5 of our hope bracelets.  You can donate via paypal if you would like bracelets mactopian@att.net   don't forget to leave your address in the comments sections when you send payment.

                                                          We will come for you
                                                         

Chasing Normal

Sometimes we as people tend to chase normal. We don't really think or live outside of the comfort zone of what is our normal life.

 When our middle child was born we realized something was wrong at 6 months old. He would get out of breath when he cried and turn blue, he chocked often, and he fell completely off the growth chart by 7 months old and he still wasn't rolling over.  The doctors sent us to a specialist to get blood and urine analysis. We were still in baby bliss and really just going with the flow, even though we realized something was wrong we lived in the world of not. Then one day when he was aprox 8 months old we got a call, the doctor was hysterical. They had found a protein in his urine that causes  ammonia in the blood and he would be brain dead soon, she told us that there could be only 2 causes to this and both would kill my son before he was 2. We slept in his floor for about a month we were worried sick but they were wrong it turned out he didn't have either of those and we were relieved and took our healthy baby home. [They still can't figure out why his body is creating the protein and we still check for ammonia]  A few months passed and when he should of started crawling he didn't. The doctors told us he was just a late bloomer and they were right by about 9 months our little boy started crawling. But by 18 months he still wasn't walking, he wasn't even standing. And then one day he got sick, and the next day he was almost lifeless in my arms, just a simple little virus landed us in the hospital for 10 days with the first 5 him fighting for his life. By the end of the hospital stay our sweet boy couldn't even sit up on his own, and his weak little legs had became so frail. It didn't make since how just 10 days could change my child so much he was so limp. 

Before we left they told us that we needed to seek help for our son, that something was wrong and they had no idea what it could be.  We started taking him to Shriners hospital for children, it was there they told me that if a child isn't walking by 5 he will never walk. I felt almost like I had time to make everything ok, we would reach normal. So we started therapy and revolved his life around making him stronger. It was there that he stood and moved independently for the first time with special equipment.

We saw improvement and he did get back to his baseline but that wasn't what we were looking for, and after a year and a half of intensive testing and a muscle biology, we were told we would not receive a diagnosis. Being his mom you know that didn't settle well, my boy was dwindling away and he wasn't receiving a diagnosis. He had been tested for so many things, spent more time in doctors offices than out but no one could figure out what was going on. 

I demanded a second opinion and we were sent to Charleston to a neurologist specializing in muscles. He wouldn't tell us at the time but seemed to know what exactly was wrong with our son. With huge smiles we shook his hand and left, we were so happy that someone finally was getting to the root of the issue, and our boy might soon be able to get better. We felt so great we were in bliss. We left the doctors office and went to the beach where i imagined my son running in the sand

When we got home we received a call. They told us they think he has SMA and told us NOT to google it, it would do no good for us. We didn't have internet anyway and assumed we wouldn't find much about it if it wasn't going to do us good to google. Then it happened.... the day we received the diagnosis. He has a disease called SMA. Then the next words to come were ''i am so sorry to tell you this but it is terminal'' ''love him and be thankful for each day'' finding out that my son would never walk was hard news, but to find out that over time he would degenerate and eventually would no longer be able to eat or breath on his on. Simple tasks will be impossible. This left us devastated.  King now has many machines he uses daily to improve his quality of life including needing a ventilator when he sleeps. Spinal muscular atrophy kills more young children than any other genetic disease. 

The next year is a blurr, we just wanted to take it all away. We were scared, and mostly we didn't want our boy to die. They told us to love him and be thankful for each day.         

We started to change our outlook on life and what was once important wasn't and a whole new world was presented to us. We were a mess at first, all we wanted was our boy to be normal but he wasn't. How could this happen to him, being a kid is the funniest time of ones life, and my son can't play on a playground, he cant play tag, climb trees, or do any of the fun things kids love to do. I had just had my third child at the time of diagnosis. But our sweet girl was born healthy, she met her milestones, and even started taking stops. She gave us our smile back.

Her birth brought new meaning to life. We decided to stop chasing normal and just embrace life, and that is what we did. We bought a home in the mountains where we intend to homestead, we were charged with hope. We no longer live as if our son is terminal, we are all terminal. We just live day to day embracing every simile we can catch, and he is doing great. 

. 

Lucky for us we had an amazing outlook on life when our daughter started to struggle, although she took steps she never ran, climbed, jumped or took off. She to was diagnosed and it came on her second birthday. Now 1 year later she is in a wheelchair and is loosing the ability to walk. It may not be what we planned for our children but we are going to make the best out of what we have.

We have a 3rd child, an amazing spirited, energetic 7 year old. He is an amazing brother and helper to his siblings. 

Because we decided to stop chasing normal we were able to easily say yes when presented with the task of adoption. And if we are being completely honest I didn't even consider adoption before the day it landed in our lap, we checked our facts found out that unspeakable things are happening in eastern Europe to disabled children. UNSPEAKABLE... lets just say if it was happening here in america it would be considered malicious and we would be outraged. But not many are outraged because it isn't happening here, so people can easily just close their eyes to it. Well I can't . My children have showed me a love that defies normal. It is a special envious love that anyone would long for.

The children I plan to adopt have been neglected, starved, abused, abandoned, and until now forgotten about . one of them is dying and in need of full rehabilitation. One will age out this summer, and has endured things we can only imagine but don't. Once a child turns 5/6 they get a transfer to an adult asylum where the abuse really unfolds but you don't want to hear about what happens there. The 3rd child is blind, with a host of other medical needs. All three have the chance to thrive, my children are a prime example of how i know that to be fact. Here in america and other well developed countries the disabled are equal, in other areas of the earth they are shunned until death. I can't save the world. No one of us can, but we can make it better one life at a time and if enough people follow there will be triumph. If only 1 in every 500 people would adopt there would be no more orphans left in the world. Sadly it is to easy to turn a blind eye, and not many adopt nor support those who are. Today I encourage you to stop chasing normal, and chase reality because the reality is scary and we need to change it FAST. My favorite quote is by Mother Teresa ''NOT ALL OF US CAN DO GREAT THINGS BUT WE CAN ALL DO SMALL THINGS WITH GREAT LOVE.'' When you are chasing normal the task of adoption seems HUGE but in reality it is a small act with a GREAT love, and LOVE MAKES US STRONGER.

If you can't adopt you can still help. Adoption is expensive and we ourselves are having to raise all of the funds to give these kids a loving home. you can donate to our family grant. There are also many other families fighting the great fight who can't do this alone. Check out the HOW TO HELP section on Reeces Rainbow to find more families who have said yes If you think you can stop chasing normal and take a huge leap of LOVE there are many children needing a home.


                          We stopped chasing normal and now we are chasing hope for these three.

           

 

He will turn 16 this summer and be trapped in an institution forever. 

ELIZABETH

She is frail, unable to move on her own and is in dyer need of nutrition. 

BETH

She is blind with a host of other medical issues

ALL ORPHANS DESERVE A FAMILY , THEY HAVE BEEN LEFT BEHIND TO SUFFER ALONE. 

WE WILL COME FOR YOU

Dear kids, mom loves you.

I think about my kids everyday as any loving mom should BUT some of my kids are 1000's of miles away and I haven't met them yet. I love them so much.  They are disabled in a country that shows no mercy to the weak.


My son will be 16 in just a matter of weeks, and without a family who has already filed prior to that date he will age out and never know the love of a family. That means he will be institutionalized for the rest of his life with no rights of his own until he dies. He once knew love but that was all shattered when he was very young and his mom lost her life. He has spent most of his childhood in an institution because of mild disability. He longs for a family and asks constantly if one has been found.. He has no idea we exist. Look at the small boy that for years has held on to hope.  Look at how much he has grown. To many years without a family, and he is still at risk of living forever without one.

                                                                   


My daughter is 5, she is so fragile and weak not even her legs can hold her. She spends her days in a crib, and sometimes she gets to sit in a baby chair. she has little of the nutrition she needs and is dwindling away. She needs full rehabilitation to have a chance to beat the terminal diagnosis. I know about her diagnosis all to well because sadly 2 of my biological children share her disease and she needs someone who is not only willing to fight for her life, but someone who has the knowledge to try and get back what she has lost. She WILL die there without a family. She has never been mobile or been able to move on her own. No mama to help her.  We are willing to offer much more than her mobility we would like to offer her life, something that will soon be taken if she isn't out ASAP. Her orphanage is begging for a family because they know they can not keep her alive. We are that family.

We are not funded to bring home either child, so they must stay and wait. They have fell into the cracks of Eastern Europe's very nasty system. 

We are also wanting to bring home a 3rd child. 

Our hearts say she is our daughter too, but not being funded for the other 2 we can not say yes just yet. 

She needs us desperately. She has an array of medical issues, it is unknown if she can even see, and she will soon be transferred from the baby house to a place where she will dwindle and be forgotten about. Once she is transferred it will become more difficult to get her out. She maybe loosing her sight but don't let her loose sight of a family.

These three children are my heart, they share that space with our three bio's who have taught us so much about the world and what it is like to live with disability. I LOVE THEM. I can't wait to look them in the eyes and say ''I love you''.

So often society waits until tragedy strikes to be moved into action, lets not wait on tragedy for these sweet children. They are all lined up in its devastating path, lets remove them from that course. 

We will come for you sweet children 

If you would like to help these children get off of the road to tragedy and into a home with a family that will love, cherish, and hold them dear. 

PLEASE DO

There are two ways to give... 

Here is a link to our family grant page where you can give a tax deductible donation

or

We have a YouCaring page, it reflects our goal for the first two children.

We want to call all these sweet kids our own. 

Help us catch our dreams

Adoption matters

You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes. -Winnie Pooh

Often we get so wrapped up in our own lives we forget to think of what others are going through, or maybe we don't forget and we just think we can't do anything significant enough to help the matter. We have 3 biological children, two of them have a muscle wasting disease called spinal muscular atrophy. It is considered to be a devastating disease to leave a bleak future and existence. Text books write it up as terminal but through education, love and hope we have found truth in the opposite. We never expected to have disabled children but we do, and they have taught us that every child matters. We believe that every child has potential and every child deserves a family. Sadly not everyone sees it this way, in fact there are 100,000's of orphans around the world who are considered unworthy for society due to special needs or the government makes it nearly impossible for the parents to care for them. Many have no chance at life and on top of it have to live life without ever knowing love or family. Once they age out of the orphanages they face a life that truly is bleak, it will consist of institutions or a life on the streets. 60 percent of orphan boys will face a life of hard crime just to survive. 50 percent of all girls will be forced into prostitution. 15 percent will commit suicide within the first year. In eastern Europe human trafficking rates are high, and disabled children are sought after for sex and organ trade, these statistics are enough to make our hearts sink. How can this even be happening. There are said to be just as many kids on the streets as in the orphanages. We know what joy children can bring. We know that children are not their disability, or a burden and the thought of any child not having a family breaks our hearts. There are many reason why children become orphans, all are equally sad but because of our own childrens disabilities disabled orphans really touch close to home with us.

After our first child was born we knew we would have a big family. Being parents felt right to us but after our second and third child was diagnosed with SMA we decided that having more children might not be the path for us because we are the reason for the disability due to genetics. And when found out our daughter also has SMA.  We tried to morn the thought of our choice and accept it as truth, but the more we thought about it, the more we knew it wasn't our truth. Having special needs children has opened our eyes to an entire new world we didn't realize existed. Our children have taught us that every life matters equally despite disability. Knowing that if we have more kids they could be disabled isn't what scares us today, it is knowing that there are children out there without families because they are disabled.

We are in the process of adopting a boy listed on HHA and also Reeces Rainbow who is about to age out of the system this summer on his birthday. Children normally age out between 14-16 depending on the country. He has spent most of his life in an orphanage living a life of poverty and never having anything of his own. Medical treatment isn't readily available, and he faces a life in an institution or on the streets. We feel we have found our son, we will do everything in our power to bring him home. There are many other children who will soon age out needing a family as well

We have recently added a second child to our adoption. She has the same diagnosis as our two bio's and we know she will surely die there if she is left alone. It takes a very aggressive approach to beat the odds of a terminal diagnosis. Having the same disease as our kids she impacted us deeply when we discovered she was also in need of a family. We can not let the costs of adoption be the reason we say no. We are giving all we have and raising more. We don't have much time until we have only one more step before we can submit and await our invitation to visit orphanages in the country. you can help us by visiting our Family Grant page or our fundraising page.

If you would like more information about children waiting  on a family or want to see if you are illegible to adopt  you may just  find yourself wishing you would of done so before now. I know I do. 

LOVE MAKES US STRONGER